Sean-Patrick Malone

From First To Worst

The Sean-Patrick & Stephen Creaser Story

by Patrick-Sean Alonem
April 10, 2006

This is a riches to rags tale of two ultimate superstars struck down in their prime. A glory to sorry story chronicling their meteoric fall from grace. A cautionary anecdote that all should heed. From first to worst: the Sean-Patrick Malone and Stephen Creaser story is a tragedy like many others. If Shakespeare were not dead he would write: "O SP/SC, SP/SC! Wherefore art thou SP/SC?" The answer would be a solemn "down here at the bottom of this gully", or "here lying in this ditch", or simply "we're dead... last". [Editor's note: This is obviously a gross misuse of the word 'wherefore' but in consideration of the author's flamboyant style I'm going to allow it.]

We'll start our story at the top - the place where SP and SC began. Their accomplishments, too numerous to exhaustively list here, included a HURL A League Championship, an undefeated season, and a couple of Red Circus MVP trophies. With all of the accolades and all of the hype you would imagine it would be hard for them to pick just one as their most prized honour, but for the dynamic duo it was never a secret what they coveted the most. The HURL Indoor League Championship was their Yellow Jersey, their Claret Jug, their Holy Grail, their Lady Byng and it was this great feat that they managed to accomplish not just once, but two years running.

When asked about their formative years SP reflected, "I can't recall ever throwing a pass away. Not once. I also don't recall anyone except for Creaser or me throwing or catching a pass for a point. I guess I vaguely remember us having teammates, but I can't say we ever talked to them let alone threw them a disc."

SC had similar memories of this time. "[I] remember running the score up just to rub it in, just for fun. We had no compunction about just ruining the other team. We always had plenty of substitutes, or as we called them, 'terribles', but I was always very pleased with my amount of playing time."

From humble beginnings, SP and SC rose from unpretentious Lower Sackvillians to become the cream of the ultimate crop in Halifax. Groomed by some of the best coaches and players in the city like Mark Beasy, Christopher Dabrowski, and Michael Lovas, they quickly surpassed expectations and were not afraid of showing it. You could often see them strutting around the metro's ultimate fields in their custom Speed TDs making a mockery of everyone around them. Other players rapidly became displeased and it was soon known HURL-wide that it was time for the two preeminent cocky superstars to fall.
Sean-Patrick Malone and Stephen Creaser and their personalized Speed TD collection.

Secret meetings were held in back rooms and dark alleys where it was finally settled. Take from SP and SC what they most desired - the HURL Indoor Championship. The first order of business was to shoot and stone down a murder of crows from which a giant pie was baked up. While the meaty pastry sat on the window sill to cool, the seeds of the nefarious plan were planted, its eventual fruits so ripe and juicy that SP and SC never stood a fighting chance.

The specifics of the evil plot are not clear and probably never will be. It however can be reliably reported that point shaving, gooning, 'accidental' scheduling snafus, and many more otherwise non-spirited actions became commonplace in the quest to knock the champs from their throne. By the end of the 2005-2006 HURL Indoor regular season those done wrong by SP and SC tasted the sweet nectar of revenge. Their team 'The In Crowd' ironically found themselves on the outside of the playoff picture, and more importantly SC was on the sidelines with an ankle injury. HURL rejoiced. The pain SP and SC felt from missing a chance at a three-peat (and from a crushing blow to SC's ankle) was reflected as jubilation and exaltation in each spurned HURL member's heart.

A few weeks after being unceremoniously dumped from the upper echelon of ultimate frisbee, the two were once again vanquished at the Tournament of Fools, a high quality tournament hosted and fully organized by SP and SC. A second place finish! That would surely be salt in their wounds. How quickly the mighty had fallen.

Had the two superstars finally learned their lesson? Was their confidence shaken so much that they could not even win the tournament that they organized? It certainly seemed so.

"We knew we were going to win," said SP. "Everything was in place like the schedule and the party and the cones and all that. But then I just couldn't perform in the big game. I mean I couldn't even win [Indoor League] this year."

With Red Circus captains watching the tournament final intently, SP's poor performance was certainly noticeable. Hall of famer, public address announcer, and Red Circus skipper David Lutwick looked on and quipped, "This SP kid will probably have a hard time making it as the guy who scoops elephant shit at the Ringling Brothers Circus let alone making Red Circus this summer. What a hack."

A sobering end to a career that once looked so promising. The story of SP and SC will undoubtedly be remembered as the bedtime story for many a young ultimate prodigy. "Now little Suzy. Don't get too full of yourself or you will end up like SP and SC and go from first to worst. No one likes a loser now do they?"

How true. No one likes a loser. But then again, as the story goes, no one likes a winner either.